Dear Hollywood

Dear Hollywood,

For some time now, I have been meaning to write to you with regard to a recurrent theme in your family films.  So many of your movies feature a Dad, who turns out to be the hero.  There is the 'too busy with his career Dad,' who learns his lesson and becomes a model father. There is the 'super hero Dad,' who rescues his family from disaster. Also beginning to feature is the 'grow to love them like his own Step-Dad,' who is usually insanely good looking! I'd like to point out that in my experience, there isn't a handsome, responsible, financially viable, kind, loving man waiting in the wings begging for the role of Step Dad.  Finally, there is the 'errant, divorced Father' who turns his life around and wins the Mother back. Ain't gonna happen sunshine.

Now, I am all for a strong, male, role model in the lives of my children but this may not turn out to be their father.  Such is the case for many children. Some children have lost their Dad, for various reasons, with very little chance of ever getting him back. (Although, we never give up hope of this happening.) How do you think these children, who do not have a 'hero Dad,' feel when they are watching your Hollywood schmaltz?  I've seen their feelings when our eyes have met after watching 'the big reunion scene' that is inevitable at the end of your family feature films. I can tell you what I see; broken hearts because they  have a Dad that bears little if any resemblance to the ones they see on the big screen. How their aching souls must long for a Dad that would put their needs before his own and take the steps necessary to rebuild his life and repair the damage that he has caused.

So, I would like to suggest that you  feature Mothers as the heroes of your blockbusters with as much regularity as you focus on Fathers. More often than not, it is mothers who are left to pick up the pieces and rescue their families. They aren't rock stars or divas but ordinary women who will do what has to be done to keep their families not only afloat, but in a position where they are able to thrive. These Mothers aren't asking for a medal or a prize, because they do what they do for love,  but it sure would be nice to see kids sit down to watch a movie and be able to say, "Wow, I've got a Mom just like that!" Instead of,  "I sure wish I had a Dad like that." Think about it Hollywood.

Yours faithfully,

A Single Mother of four, who's just doing the best she can

Single Parenting Licked

Image from google.com.

Just when I think I’ve got my kids pegged, they go and surprise me by doing something totally out of character.  Now this can go both ways.  I can be thinking how well behaved, responsible and trustworthy they are and then they go and shatter this illusion in one foul swoop by doing something completely ridiculous.  Alternatively, I can be despairing over them and beating myself up for being an inadequate parent and then they’ll floor me by their goodness and maturity. 

I was feeling relaxed and pampered after a morning at the hair salon and as busy Mums know; this couple of hours is equivalent to a weekend away at a spa in pre-motherhood days!  However, I felt the feelings of tranquillity leaving me as I waited outside the classroom to pick up El Nino from her morning at nursery. I felt apprehensive and found myself nonchalantly hiding queueing behind the other parents.  I was in fear that the ‘Can I have a quick word and let’s put a system in place to help her’ teacher would be lurking, ready to pounce on me and haul me inside for another little chat.  What a relief when she did not appear and little Miss Challenging came skipping out the door with not one but two stickers firmly taped to her jacket. She exclaimed in a loud voice for all to hear, “I didn’t hit anyone today!” Taking care not to make eye contact with the other parents, we beat a hasty retreat and I congratulated my little one on the improvement in her behaviour! 

The next hurdle which could have diminished my serenity went especially well also.  I arrived home to be greeted by my teenager.  As parents of teenagers are well aware, it can be hard to gauge the presence of mind of adolescents and so it’s always best that they are approached with caution.  Say too little and they think you don’t care; ask one question too many and you will have your head bitten off and be accused of nosiness! But not today, she came bounding toward me and announced that she had just vacuumed the entire upstairs and had even done the stairs; a task which many husbands only perform under duress and then go on to expect profuse congratulations for as though they have spring cleaned the entire house!  I swallowed my initial reaction of ‘I wonder what she wants’ and thanked her enthusiastically!  This was progress indeed.  I had no idea that she would have been able to locate the whereabouts of the vacuum cleaner as on numerous other occasions when I’d asked her to take care of this for me while I was out; she had been unable to find where I had hidden it!

If having two out of my four children surprise and delight me weren’t enough in one day, my two boys added to this merry contentment when they chose their Friday night viewing material.  They decided to watch a couple of episodes of David Attenborough’s, Planet Earth.  People who know my boys well will know that this is a major departure from their usual, madness and mayhem viewing diet. 

So just for this day and probably this day only, I congratulated myself for being a fabulous, freshly coiffed Mum, who was capable of raising well behaved, delightful and helpful children who chose of their own volition on occasion to watch educational programmes.  It is these 'I've got this single parenting game licked' kind of days that give me the strength and courage to keep a smile on my face and persevere through the abundance of not so easy days when I could quite happily strangle give my children away for free!

Overwhelmed?

Life's a roller coaster

Overwhelmed? Who me? Okay, I’ve got to admit it.  I have been feeling overwhelmed for the last few weeks or probably months.  Maybe not quite so much overwhelmed as more a feeling of being caught up in an avalanche that is hurtling down a mountainside.  Every now and then, I manage to latch on to a few sturdy branches and catch my breath before being overtaken by the next surge of activity.  I’m getting pretty used to this type of life now but that doesn’t make it any easier.

 I’m definitely a ‘make a list’ kind of girl and as soon as I got all of the kids dispatched to school last week, I sat down and made myself a ‘To Do’ list.  Off the top of my head, I made a list of 19 things that needed doing with some urgency.  I am the type of person that has an overriding need to tick items off (must be something to do with being a teacher) and have a sense of,  if I can just get to the bottom of my list; I will be completely satisfied and happy.  Unfortunately, as I began to tackle the items on the list one by one; no sooner had I completed a task than it created a further two jobs that had to be added to my list.  By the end of the week, I felt like a hamster on a wheel; a revolving wheel to nowhere.  And so it was that I headed into the weekend, feeling like I hadn’t accomplished enough, barely having made a dent in my To Do list.   Life’s like that isn’t it?  We never quite get to the end of our list.

To top it off, I have been struggling with the whole ‘hold it together single mother’ adventure that I am on.  There is a saying that ‘Motherhood isn’t for sissies!’  I can’t imagine what the saying should be for being a mother of a teenager!  I have heard that Grandchildren are a reward for not doing away with your teenagers! I pray God gives me the grace to see the teenage years through x4!  Just a week ago, my teen said to me, I’ve been so good lately, is it possible to grow out of naughtiness?  I took a deep breath knowing full well that items 8 – 12 on my To Do list were because of her recent escapades during the summer.  I then lay awake til midnight on Saturday night, waiting for her to get home.  I didn’t scream or shout but very calmly said to her the next morning, ‘I hope you have a teenager just like you one day!’ It’s true; motherhood is not for the faint hearted.

 A friend recently remarked to me, that after having been reunited with my children following 24 hours without them while they visited their Dad, I lit up as soon as I saw them.  I took it as a compliment but in all honesty had to admit that I lit up equally so as they headed off for their 24 hours.  Our precious children know just what to do to push our buttons and interject just the right amount of sweetness to keep us loving them even though most of the time they drive us crazy.  My eight year old, recently told me that I should be a photographer when I’m older.  How lovely to imagine that he thinks I’m still young enough to be something completely different from what I already am or that I’m not grown up yet.  On the other hand, perhaps he’s just sick and tired of me taking his photo and thinks if I did it for a job; I could go and do it somewhere else.  However, just when I was still basking in his photographer comment, he walked into the kitchen and asked what station I was listening to on the radio because it sounded like music from the olden days!  Do you see what I mean about latching on to the branches and having a breather before hurtling back down to earth? 

Now as I head into a new week, I have encouraged myself to firmly get a grip; go with the flow and hang on to the peaceful moments as and when they happen. Even if it’s just grinning like a Cheshire cat for a couple of hours after a parent from school  comments that I don’t look old enough to have a 16 year old child.  I will attempt to come to terms with the fact that I will never reach the end of my To Do list and just be thankful that I have special people in my life to run around after and create plenty of new jobs for me to keep adding to my list.