Ditching Christmas

‘What?’ ‘You’re joking.’ ‘No way!’ ‘You’re funny Mummy.’ What you may ask was my suggestion to the children to elicit these responses from them.  With a hopeful tone, I dropped this on them, ‘How about we don’t do the whole Christmas thing this year and go away on a cheap holiday in the sun instead?’ 

So, as the kids were  not up for my ‘ditching Christmas’ idea, traditional extravaganza it is then.  I decided I’d best gird my loins with tinsel and get this show on the road.  I ‘hauled the decs’ out of the loft, threw the Yuletide, Mariah Carey CD on and we set about Christmasifying our home. You’ll be pleased to know that I let the children place the baubles where they liked on the tree, no readjustments from me. However, I did only allow them to have boxfuls of goodies that would match our new decor; just silver, white and light blue adornments allowed. 

With the festive mood filtering through our home, I turned my attention to presents. I gave the children my usual spiel about Christmas being a time for remembering whose birthday we were celebrating and that it wasn’t all about what they were gonna get! I heard myself rattling off the phrase, ‘The important thing is that we are all together.’ ‘Yeah right Mum,’ my teenager smirked. With that, I gave them each a piece of paper and a pencil and asked them to write a list. To their credit, the three older ones only put around four items on their lists. The only thing that my little gal could think of that she wanted, was a doll.  Never mind that she already has 12. In her mind, one can never have too many babies.  The irony of that is not lost on me and it is certainly at Christmastime that I understand why many families stick with the average 2.4 children, WAY cheaper! Before I allow you to think that my children are complete saints for having provided such short lists, I should perhaps point out that at the top of each of their lists in shouty capitals was written, MONEY.  The cheeky little imps. 

Now, as those of you with children already know, our little treasures have a knack for scanning each others' stashes and knowing right away if the piles aren’t even. Present count is an important part of the preparation. I would like to think that my older ones are beginning to understand that as they grow up, their presents become fewer due to the fact that their wants become exceedingly more expensive. For the littlies however, quantity and even distribution is important. My advice in this department; if something comes in parts, then wrap each one completely separately to prolong the ‘opening enjoyment process’. 

As I think back on my childhood, I can’t remember what I got for Christmas when I was six, or nine or even fourteen.  What I do remember is the wonderful feeling in the room as all of the family gathered, opened gifts and basked in the joyous atmosphere of that special time of togetherness. I get that, at the moment, my kids are still of the age where Christmas is about the gifts but I also seek to provide them with the magical moments of shared togetherness because that’s what I want them to be able to look back on with fondness when they are grown up.

So, as we pause to celebrate in our own special ways, from my home to yours this Christmas, I wish you magical moments of shared togetherness that will linger in your and your loved ones’ memories for years to come.

Highlights vs Behind the Scenes

Some days feel more 'single parenty' than others and today was one such day. In fact, I suppose I've been feeling it a lot lately. I love my children dearly but with circumstances the way they are right now, I have them 24/7 and it feels like such hard work. Those annoying quotes you see about 'enjoying the journey' were clearly not written by single mothers who have just returned from a 1300 mile journey with four kids and are then attempting to get them ready and piled up into the car for a short trip out for the day.

How we can all be up and ready to leave the house by 8am on a school day is beyond me when today, while still on summer holidays, we struggled to leave the house by 11am. We'd promised to meet the kids' Grandma for a day out and had some loose plans in place.

We picked Grandma up or rather, Grandma sat in the back, where trouble was already brewing, in order to separate the kids who were already starting on their car trip shenanigans. So we set off, one child in the front next to me, another restrained in her car seat next to Grandma and a third way in the back out of harm's (and siblings) reach.

Now, time and time again, the kids and I have talked about compromise but for the most part I find it's usually me doing the compromising and  we go and do where and what they want. Today, I decided that on our way to where they could have fun; we would stop off at a shopping outlet village for just half an hour of shopping. Surely they could manage that? Ah, no. Within ten minutes, I'd got three kids playing tag in and out of the hanging rails; which very rapidly turned into a free for all, resulting in them banging in to each other. This of course always then ends with  'he hit me', 'she whacked me', but 'he started it'. So, I separated the two boys, telling them to wait in opposite ends of the courtyard while I just popped into a shop, clasping my four year old's hand firmly in mine. She wasn't best pleased as she thought the boys would be having fun without her so then piped up with the whole, 'You're hurting my hand Mummy,' muttered in just a loud enough, whimpering voice for passing shoppers to look at her sympathetically and at me with a frown!

I bent down to her level and spoke in a calm, assertive voice, aka super nanny, 'Mummy is just going to have a look for ten more minutes and then we can go to Mc Donald's to get something for lunch before going on to the park.' Drat! My super nanny tactics didn't seem to work on this child! Finding that her whimpering was getting her nowhere, she started wrenching about, half-shouting, half-crying, 'I want to go home.' At this point, I looked at her calmly, taking in the stares of the well-to-do, matronly shoppers tutting in our direction and will admit to saying, 'Just you wait until I take you home to your mother! What will she say about your behaviour?'

It was at this point that I abandoned the shopping trip, frog marched the children back to the car, with Grandma in tow and informed them that they would not be going to McDonald's after all and we would be going to the supermarket instead to choose a sensible sandwich to eat for our picnic lunch. So, another fifteen minutes later, 'healthier and more sensible' lunches picked out, and only having lost sight of my little girl once; having found her hiding behind a large stack of toilet rolls, we got back in the car and headed to the park, found a bench and sat in a row, quite happily eating our lunch.

After our relatively calm, ten minute reprieve, the kids were off again. The boys returned with an expectant, excited look on their face,'There are row boats we can hire. Can we go in one please Mum?' So, having left Grandma to look after our bags and wandering pre-schooler, as well as having traipsed back across the park to an indoor play centre to change a 20 pound note into change because the 'boat man' only accepted the exact change, the boys and I 'floatation deviced' up and stepped into the boat. As I looked around, what did I see? All the other boats down stream were filled with Dad's taking their children out. I gave myself a mental pep talk, 'Buck up Debs, you can do this.'

I haven't laughed so much in a long time as I did this afternoon. Never mind that an hour or so earlier, I had wanted to throttle the kids. Never mind that we rowed into the tree branches at the side of the river several times. So what if I was the only Mum out there today? It didn't matter a jot. All three of us laughed our socks off and made a wonderful memory.

If you look at the photos, you can see what fun we had. If you hadn't read this post, you would never have known the details behind our family day out. It's easy to make judgements based on our impressions of what we see but remember, for the most part, we are only seeing other peoples' highlight reels of their lives. We all have 'behind the scenes' reels which are not so pretty, fun, exciting or inspirational. In fact, some of those reels show that we are fragile, tired, 'hanging on by a thread' people.

I am very blessed to have a special network of friends and family who are here for me, that I can call on. Despite that, I have days when I really struggle and think, 'Woe is me, this single parenting thing is so hard. I want a break. It's bloomin' hard work!'  So, if you only see my 'highlights' and think I've got it easy or altogether, I so don't but I am just doing the best I can and I ask God daily to help me. That's enough.

 

Vanishing dress, nuggets and boxers

I'd like to tell you that this blog post is going to be life changing; revealing a deep and meaningful truth that I have discovered, but alas it is not. Today, I am going to have a jolly, good moan.

My entire life seems to have been overrun  run over by children.  Hardly surprising as they come with the territory,  both as a single mother of four children and a school teacher. Now I know how Miss Hannigan felt in 'Annie.' Everywhere I turn there are children in all shapes and sizes and all the paraphernalia that accompanies them. I need a separate room just to store all the sport equipment that is required to keep my twelve year old active and occupied.  My four year old has developed an obsession with bags.  She prefers playing with a collection of bags over all her other toys and is usually to be found raiding my office in search of interesting objects, such as staplers or foreign language phrase books, with which to fill these bags. She then proceeds to move her luggage from room to room. Baggage handling may well feature in her future, although I shall hold out for her obtaining a position with Louis Vuitton.  Along with the tripping over bags, I'm having to store paintings and cereal box, object d'art as there is all hell to pay if even one of these pieces is spotted protruding from the rubbish bin. To top it off,  if we didn't have enough junk to store in our home, my eldest has developed a thriving e-bay business which means a postal worker regularly delivers yet more tat to our door.

This past weekend, I called time on our junk stash and we had a good clear out. We managed to rid ourselves of four, large bags of rubbish and five large sacks which I put out for the charity van to collect this morning. All of which resulted in me receiving a frantic call just as I arrived at work because my older son had witnessed a suspicious looking van pull up outside our house, with four guys who jumped out and hurriedly bundled our unwanted booty into the back of their van, before speeding away. It took me several minutes to convince him that they weren't bad guys 'stealing' intended charity goods but were in fact sent by the non-profit and were just working efficiently and responsibly. By the time he'd called out, 'Oh right, love you, bye mum,' and hung up,  my brain had only just begun to process the fact that he should already have left for school! (*Make mental note to ask if he was late for school this morning when he gets home.)

We appear to be in a constant flummox of remembering where items have been left, looking for them, finding or not finding them, having to go shopping to replace said items, washing and ironing these belongings and so on and so forth. One child is constantly misplacing items which results in hours of hide and seek. Another has a fondness for tying things up so additional time has to be allocated for untying laces, socks, belts, etc. I don't  even want to think about where that habit may lead later in life! My eldest swears blind that I deliberately lose her dance gear and never do the laundry! These things combined with the having to search every Barbie, Hello Kitty and Peppa Pig bag for missing keys results in a rather frazzled mother leaving the house for work in the mornings.

I realise that some parents go to work for a rest and look forward to the prospect of adult conversation, an uninterrupted coffee break and stimulating mental challenges. I, on the other hand, go to a work place that very much resembles the environment that I have just left; where I deal with other people's children who have lost their spelling books, PE kits, etc. I kid you not, last Friday afternoon started with walking a class of thirty children up to the local pool for their swimming lessons, and ended in us returning to school with one girl having to wear a makeshift dress because her pinafore had gone missing! How can a dress go missing?!! I don't think she was too impressed with the fact that I said, "Those two sweaters tied around your waist may not be fashionable but they are functional." I'm not sure what was worse, having a girl walk back to school minus her dress or me having to walk back accompanied by an extra pair of boy's, boxers which had turned up in the search for the pinafore.

Yeah, yeah, I know I'm complaining for no good reason. Having a little grumbling session every now and then helps me to let off steam and hear my complaints for what they are; mild inconveniences in the whole scheme of life. I also realise that no sooner am I despairing of the children in my life, than they wheedle their way back into my affections and warm the cockles of my heart. At school, there's the light bulb, eureka moments when children have mastered column addition, the surprised look of delight when their name is read out in assembly for a good work certificate and the stage whispered, "Yessssses," when you say you will be returning to teach them the next day. With my own children, there is the pride when they win the match for their team, the fuzziness which accompanies the, "Can we just have one more snuggle Mummy before I go to sleep?" There is the 'thank the Lord she doesn't hate me' moments when my teenager says, "Thanks for coming to the movies and going shopping with me Mum." And yep, there's lots of laughs too. I almost choked when my nine year old asked, 'Which part of the chicken are the nuggets?"