What is it that seems to be boiling up inside me? Is it anger? Surely not, I’m a level headed kind of girl who just gets on with things. I would never have said that I am an ‘angry’ sort of person and I don’t suffer with a short temper but all the same it seems to be there. I am learning that it is an emotion just like any other and has a place in my being. If anything, I am coming to understand that my emotions are my body’s way of alerting me to pain, hurt, ‘fedupness’ and a general coming to terms with the whole ‘it’s not fair’ aspect of life and I need to start paying attention. Just like the annoying beep on a reversing vehicle, our emotions can provide an early warning system that something isn’t right! Ignoring my emotions tends to result in me remaining in situations, even wallowing in negativity, which can be harmful or damaging to my well being.
Apparently, anger that is not addressed can even cause physical harm to our bodies. Denial can protect most of us for so long and then something happens inside us and we snap. Acknowledging my emotions helps me to process what is actually going on and then I am able to make decisions which are beneficial. So I am taking charge of my emotions, borrowing ‘Mr Potato Head’s angry eyes’ every now and then; looking to see if anger is justified or not. I have at last found my running shoes, laced them up and hit the tarmac. Listening to loud, thumping music helps rid me of my frustrations that life hasn’t turned out the way I had hoped or planned. (I’m hoping too that running will continue to help rid me of those stubborn extra pounds which are sticking like glue to my hips.) I understand Forrest Gump’s compulsion when he said he just started running! However, unlike Forrest, I make sure I am home in time to do the school pick up and make dinner.
Dealing with my anger and just turning it over to my Higher Power, which in my case is God, is sometimes all I can do. Being able to transfer my emotions enables me to let go and move on. In so doing, I am then able to appropriately respond to everyday family situations and my anger won’t come out of me in a misguided attack on my poor child who happens to have lost yet another pair of swimming goggles, cricket gloves, etc, etc!! Frustrating as that may be! Grrrr! There are certain things in life that deserve our anger; world poverty and the needless dying of children in Africa all for the sake of basic sanitation and vaccines, mindless violence against women and children in war torn countries, the abuse and lack of care shown towards the elderly in our communities and yes, even the devastating effects of illness and addictions on our loved ones. I didn’t cause any of these things, I can’t control any of them and the only change I can make is in myself and how I choose to react. So, I will continue to own my emotions and work through them as best I can. The wisest advice that I can give to myself on a daily basis is; not to sweat the small stuff! Even when I find myself knee deep in it!
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