Monday, 8 April 2013
Alone, Hungry and Naked
Just last week, my nine year old exclaimed, "I don't want to be racist but if you're going to eat sausages, you're going to get fat!" Got to love the way kids' minds work and how they come right out with whatever is in their heads. "I'm sorry Mason. My Mum is making a terrible noise." This was my four year old's response to her friend who complained about my 'singing along with the radio whilst ironing' giving him a headache. Out of the mouths of babes!
Having said that, I have 'put my foot in it' on more than one occasion with things I've said. I have most certainly learned never, ever again to ask a woman when her baby is due. Cringe! It's just that these words slip so easily from my mouth and are hanging out there in a proverbial speech bubble before my brain has had time to engage. Only this last week, as I was making arrangements regarding the children with my ex-husband, the words, 'Hi hun,' escaped from my lips as he answered the phone. "Oh no, you didn't," I hear you say. "Oh yes, I did," and I couldn't feel less 'honey-ish' about him if I tried. What is official protocol on accidentally calling your ex by their pet name? I went with, "Oops, didn't mean to say that." How dare my mind allow me to momentarily lapse like that.
I have most certainly accepted my current situation and am getting used to this new way of life; being a single parent and living without a 'significant other.' I like to think that inwardly and outwardly, I have moved on but every now and then my memory bank suffers a glitch that transfers me right back in time to when I was still married. The other night, as I was heading upstairs to bed, there was a very, fleeting moment when I felt exactly as I would have done many years ago when all was well in my world and the past two to three years never existed at all. It really was a brief trick of the mind to give me such an unreal sense of my current reality. Those who have lost a loved one, be it through illness, separation, divorce, addiction or worse still, to death, may have some understanding of this. For that incredibly tiny moment, all is well with the world and everything is as it should be. Then all of a sudden, you remember all that has come to pass and you are back to reality.
Did I feel a little sad as I went off to sleep after that experience? Sure, I did. Just because I have accepted my situation, doesn't mean that I don't miss what I used to have. It made me wonder, how many nights in the past, when all was well, did I give thanks for my wonderful life? I'm honest enough to say, not nearly enough. As the quote goes, 'What if we only woke up with what we thanked God for yesterday? Most of us would be alone, hungry and naked!' I intend on being a whole lot more thankful from now on. How about you?