Overwhelmed?

Life's a roller coaster

Overwhelmed? Who me? Okay, I’ve got to admit it.  I have been feeling overwhelmed for the last few weeks or probably months.  Maybe not quite so much overwhelmed as more a feeling of being caught up in an avalanche that is hurtling down a mountainside.  Every now and then, I manage to latch on to a few sturdy branches and catch my breath before being overtaken by the next surge of activity.  I’m getting pretty used to this type of life now but that doesn’t make it any easier.

 I’m definitely a ‘make a list’ kind of girl and as soon as I got all of the kids dispatched to school last week, I sat down and made myself a ‘To Do’ list.  Off the top of my head, I made a list of 19 things that needed doing with some urgency.  I am the type of person that has an overriding need to tick items off (must be something to do with being a teacher) and have a sense of,  if I can just get to the bottom of my list; I will be completely satisfied and happy.  Unfortunately, as I began to tackle the items on the list one by one; no sooner had I completed a task than it created a further two jobs that had to be added to my list.  By the end of the week, I felt like a hamster on a wheel; a revolving wheel to nowhere.  And so it was that I headed into the weekend, feeling like I hadn’t accomplished enough, barely having made a dent in my To Do list.   Life’s like that isn’t it?  We never quite get to the end of our list.

To top it off, I have been struggling with the whole ‘hold it together single mother’ adventure that I am on.  There is a saying that ‘Motherhood isn’t for sissies!’  I can’t imagine what the saying should be for being a mother of a teenager!  I have heard that Grandchildren are a reward for not doing away with your teenagers! I pray God gives me the grace to see the teenage years through x4!  Just a week ago, my teen said to me, I’ve been so good lately, is it possible to grow out of naughtiness?  I took a deep breath knowing full well that items 8 – 12 on my To Do list were because of her recent escapades during the summer.  I then lay awake til midnight on Saturday night, waiting for her to get home.  I didn’t scream or shout but very calmly said to her the next morning, ‘I hope you have a teenager just like you one day!’ It’s true; motherhood is not for the faint hearted.

 A friend recently remarked to me, that after having been reunited with my children following 24 hours without them while they visited their Dad, I lit up as soon as I saw them.  I took it as a compliment but in all honesty had to admit that I lit up equally so as they headed off for their 24 hours.  Our precious children know just what to do to push our buttons and interject just the right amount of sweetness to keep us loving them even though most of the time they drive us crazy.  My eight year old, recently told me that I should be a photographer when I’m older.  How lovely to imagine that he thinks I’m still young enough to be something completely different from what I already am or that I’m not grown up yet.  On the other hand, perhaps he’s just sick and tired of me taking his photo and thinks if I did it for a job; I could go and do it somewhere else.  However, just when I was still basking in his photographer comment, he walked into the kitchen and asked what station I was listening to on the radio because it sounded like music from the olden days!  Do you see what I mean about latching on to the branches and having a breather before hurtling back down to earth? 

Now as I head into a new week, I have encouraged myself to firmly get a grip; go with the flow and hang on to the peaceful moments as and when they happen. Even if it’s just grinning like a Cheshire cat for a couple of hours after a parent from school  comments that I don’t look old enough to have a 16 year old child.  I will attempt to come to terms with the fact that I will never reach the end of my To Do list and just be thankful that I have special people in my life to run around after and create plenty of new jobs for me to keep adding to my list.