Decisions, Decisions



He stood in front of me, gaping like a guppy, and couldn’t have looked more perplexed if I had just asked him out on a date.  This was the father of a boy in my eight year old son’s class at school.  After looking at me blankly for what felt like a good ten seconds, or at least long enough for me to wonder if he understood my ‘not easy to place’ accent or worse still, did I have a piece of food stuck to my face; he eventually replied, “Have you got my wife’s number?  You’d best check with her.” I was only trying to arrange a play date for our two boys.  Why is it that some people find decision making easy and natural whilst others, like myself and Exhibit A: the Dad from school, struggle with it?  I tend not to make decisions until I’m backed up against a wall with little or no room to manoeuvre.  Even then, I often choose the option that takes me least out of my comfort zone.  I’ve been known to spend a good forty five minutes in Blockbuster because I can’t bring myself to choose a movie.  There have been numerous times when I’ve returned home from shopping trips, empty handed because I haven’t been able to make a decision between two different items.  The consequences of these kind of choices don't really matter but obviously in life there are important choices to be made whereby the consequences can have far reaching effects.  Choosing not to make decisions  in the past has caused me to remain in unhealthy situations for far too long. 

I’ve been giving this whole issue some thought.  Why is it exactly that I find decision making difficult?  Is it because I have always relied too heavily on others; having a follower rather than leader mentality?  Is it because I grew up in a strict, Christian environment where individuality and freedom of choice were not encouraged?  Is it because of my placement in the birth order of my family?  Being number five of six siblings, has made me quite an easy-oasy kind of person; eager to please, always wanting to keep the peace and not rock the boat.  Is it just part of my genetic make up that I am a person who would rather not make a decision than make a bad one? Perhaps it is  because I fear the consequences of my choices and worry about what others will think.  It undoubtedly has to do with the fact that some decisions not only affect myself but have a ripple effect across my entire family.  Maybe it's a combination of all the above. 

 It doesn’t really matter why I’m this way as I have come to realise that everything in my past, both good, bad and ugly, has brought me to where I am today.  I am now aware of my weakness in this area and can address it.  I’ve also learned that doing nothing for a while is a choice which is acceptable until I’m in a place where I can gather information, strength and gumption to make much needed decisions.  You won’t hear me utter the words, “I didn’t have a choice.” I always have a choice and will take responsibility for it. If choices are taken out of my hands, then it is still my choice how I react.    Will my decisions always be good or right?  No, but I’m okay with that.  I will just do my best to listen to my God given instinct which generally points me in the right direction.

I am a work in progress and should mention that if you ever happen to be in a restaurant with me, I take a long time to choose what I want!  How about you?  How would you rate yourself in the decision making department?