It is what it is, over.

I opened the envelope to find two pieces of paper.  The first one was my Decree Absolute of Divorce and as it turned out, on receiving this document I found that I had already been single for five days.  The second was a letter from my legal adviser that stated several things: 1. Your marriage has now legally ended. 2. You are free to re-marry if you wish and the rest were business points.  Nowhere in the envelope was there advice on what to do now, how a person might expect to feel or how to make sure this never, ever happens again!  You'd think there would be some kind of advice booklet in it wouldn't you?  It could contain suggestions such as; here's a list of possible people that you can choose from to now be your next of kin. Or something like, based on extensive research, best advice is to not remarry for at least 2, 5 or 10 years!  But no, nothing like that; just the facts. 

So, how do I feel?  I actually don't know.  I'm not feeling very much of anything.  I had anticipated relief, happiness or sadness even.  Many times over the past year, I've been frustrated at the delays in the divorce process but now looking back; I'm grateful that it took a year.  This year allowed me to process my thoughts, feelings and emotions.  All of which brought me to the point at which  I now find myself; ready to just accept that it is what it is, over. 

My day to day life will continue much as it has done and I can throw myself into concentrating on my family, my teaching career and will hopefully find a little space in there for some 'me time.' I understand that divorce is bigger than just me and acknowledge that others are deeply hurt by it and I hope and pray that time eases their pain. 

I will just figure life out as I go; one day at a time.  I will turn my life over to the care of God and trust that He has good things in store for me and my children.