Teenage Stampede

My twelve year old had jolly well better be enriched after all the effort we went to in order to provide him with an alternative to the school’s ‘enriched educational opportunity’ day. Okay, I should probably clarify at this point that we, mostly means my fabulous neighbour and friend, who as regulars know, often bails me out when I have messed up my parenting responsibilities and forgotten dates for Parent/Teacher  Evenings, sporting events, dress up days, etc.

Several weeks ago, the school sent home an impressive brochure, outlining the opportunities available to the students for Enrichment Day. These activities ranged from a trip to London to the Harry Potter Experience, a tour of The Globe Theatre, visiting the Velodrome in Manchester, as well as activities closer to home such as archery, orienteering and various theatre workshops. A few of the options were school based, like Music workshops, Modern Foreign Language activities and a Bake Off competition.

Parents were asked to help their child fill out the forms, return them to school and most importantly, outline all the activities you did not want your child to participate in. In the case of my son, that meant all the options of which he exclaimed, ‘There’s no way on earth that I’m doing that!’ Clearly, I tried to steer my child in the direction of the ones that didn’t cost an arm and a leg but he was having none of it so, we spent a good half an hour listing all of the ‘no goes,’ leaving about five out of the twenty five possible activities remaining.

Around a week later, we received a letter from school stating that there was going to be a new way of choosing their Enrichment Day activity.  Who can blame them? What staff member would want to trawl their way through hundreds of application forms? They decided to go high tech and pupils would need to log on to the school’s virtual learning platform and make their choices on line. What the school had not thought through was the panic waves this would send through the pupils, all vying for the ‘best options’; knowing that it was critical for them to get on line within seconds of the lines opening.  There hadn’t been such hysteria since Beyonce’s concert tickets went on sale earlier this year.

Hundreds, if not close to a thousand pupils, stormed the school library, fighting to gain access to a computer. At least three children sustained sprained ankles in the mêlée` and the librarian has not been able to return to school since the disturbance. Unable to maintain any sense of order, she took refuge in a stock cupboard and had to lay low until the mob dissipated. Rumour has it that she is now absent, suffering with stress.  Health and Safety are looking into the stampede.

As it so happened, my child was completely oblivious to the fracas that had taken place, because he and his cricket team mates were involved in a match at another school.  By the time he returned home and nonchalantly decided to go on line to book his place for Enrichment Day, lo and behold, what activities were left? You guessed it.  All of the ones that we’d listed on the sheet in the first place, those which he’d refused to consider. Although, if these boys had any clue as to the content of foreign films , they may have been more than happy to spend the day watching French or Spanish cinema!

After several e-mails back and forth to school, it was agreed that we could arrange our own activities for the children, who didn’t get any of their choices; so long as what we organised was educational. Now, this is where my life saving friend comes in. She fully organised a perfect day out for our two sons and four of their friends. They went to a local ski centre and had a full day of educational fun; learning how to ski, toboggan and tube down the slopes.  My friend dropped them off in the morning and I picked them all up at the end of the day. Judging from the teenage boy aroma that filled my car on the way home, an enriched day was certainly enjoyed by them all.