Speeding fines, Bribery and a Wonder Woman suit

Dear God,

Thank you for the summer holidays. Thank you for the lazy days, beach days, theme park days, friends days, sleepover days and everything in between days. Thank you for safe travels and only being flashed once by a speed camera.  If possible, please prevent a French speeding fine from arriving on my doorstep. (Anyone with first hand knowledge of French speeding fines, please message me.) Thank you that relatively good health was enjoyed by all...apart from the usual hay fever, asthma, just one bout of tonsillitis, a case of cystitis and a bowel infection which didn’t cause too many problems on our 1500 mile round trip to France.

 Thank you too that the vacation is almost over because I’m getting just a teensy bit tired of the ‘I’m bored days’, ‘Are we there yet trips?’ ‘What are we doing today?'  'Hang on a minute does it look like I’m made of money, can’t we just have an at home day,' kind of days.  As well as having just about enough of the ‘Wind your brother/sister up days’.  So Lord, please understand that I love my kids but help me not to feel guilty about relinquishing them back into the structured, disciplined arms of their teachers.

This school year, please help me to be a perfect parent, or at least make fewer mistakes than I did last year.  Please give me a sunny disposition, especially between the hours of six thirty and eight am each weekday morning as I attempt to rouse two teenagers from their beds, wrangle my four year old into her school uniform and agree on a ‘suitable’ hairstyle for the day; as well as round up my nine year old and ensure he has everything he needs.

Please give me clarity of thinking and memory retention when it comes to dates (Alas, still not the romantic kind.) and times of school events. I fervently pray that I will not send a child to school in uniform on a non-uniform day or even worse, send a batman or princess through the gates on a normal uniform day. Help me to turn up for parent’s evenings at not only the right time but also the correct week.

Now God, I need to talk to you about one of my children, you know the one I’m talking about, the one who did not have a great school year which meant I got lots of informative phone calls.  Please keep these special calls at a minimum this year and help me to find a successful strategy for instilling in said child the importance and privilege of an education. Forgive me in advance if I resort to bribery to ensure that his homework is completed.  I especially pray that this may  be the year that we get a few answers regarding his needs and how best to move forward with helping him to achieve his full potential.  Extra patience for his teachers would also be appreciated. Oh, and if by chance you could arrange for some of his teachers to teach their curriculum through the medium of popular music then I know for sure that he would have that information in his current brain file, ready to be spouted out when and wherever with gusto.

 My four year old will be learning to read and write this year and despite the cryptic wording of her end of year nursery report suggesting that her concentration levels had improved, my ‘teacher sense’ was suspicious so I questioned her teacher and the response was lots of head nodding and yes, she could now concentrate for at least five whole minutes. (*note to self: bulk order fish oil tablets)  So God, an extra portion of patience for her new teacher would also be helpful, especially as she'll be at school for full days now. May her enthusiasm be bountiful and her learning reflect that. 

Help me to make a special effort with my quiet one who sometimes gets lost amidst the chaotic fray of our household. May I steer him in the direction of his special interests. (String, stones, sticks, tying things up and weaponry, yes, that random!) Help him to have a good school year; to make good friends, to receive lots of certificates which makes him beam and to not be picked last for any of the sports activities. 

Please help me to guide and not control my eldest daughter’s decision making as she decides which Universities she’ll apply to and for which degree course.  I pray that she makes her decision based on more than which Uni is best situated for ease of access to shopping and student night life.Help her to remember that the accumulated efforts of all her hard work will pay off at the end of this academic year. 

Okay, I think that about sums things up apart from the usual; keep them safe when they are near roads, don't let them fall into bad company, protect them from bad guys, help remind them to phone home to let me know they arrive safely at various events and don't let them choke on random pieces of food and be where no one knows the Heimlich maneuver.  

Amen

PS. If you have a Wonder Woman outfit floating around, could you please send it down to me?